do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
