dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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