plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
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