I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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