like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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