I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Randomize
