she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
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