she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
