Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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