If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
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