I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Randomize
