hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
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