so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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