What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
