Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
