hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
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He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
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I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
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