i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I made him laugh his dick is mine
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
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