Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
