when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
did i walk over a car last night?
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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