I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Randomize
