Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
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