what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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