god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Randomize
