She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
