Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
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