You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
