I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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