is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
