No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
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