The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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