No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
