just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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