What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
