Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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