So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
