I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
You are a genius and a whore.
Randomize
