I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
