I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
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