My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I yelled at your uterus for you.
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