I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
