her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I'm gonna have a badass scar
All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
You ruined the universe
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Randomize
