did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize