i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
