We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
