I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
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