Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
