I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
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He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
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The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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