I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
My hand turned me down
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
