Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize