Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
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