Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
