She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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