She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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