When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
