I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
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Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
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