she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Randomize
