Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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