I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
