the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
