Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
