I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I had to cum in my sink.
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