and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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