i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
