I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
