um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
