One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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