when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
