I think my vagina is haunted
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
