Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
