No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
