I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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