I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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