There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
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