Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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