Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
